The Felixes

Or, the Anti-Oscars.TM

Best Actor 2005

Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote

PRO: Golden Globe winner; Academy ready to reward critical darling in films ranging from Boogie Nights to Almost Famous.

CON: If he wins for playing a bitchy queen, voters fear a riot from Judi Dench.

Terence Howard for Hustle and Flow

PRO: He's the "It" actor of the year with strong performances in this, the nominated-even-though-a-summer-movie Crash, and Four Brothers.

CON: Now every pimp is going to have a script to show Hollywod dealmakers. Can't an exec just pay for sex without a deal memo anymore?

Heath Ledger for Brokeback Mountain

PRO: Former pretty boy actor mumbles his way into audience's hearts as a tortured man wrestling with his sexuality.

CON: Pro-Gyllenhaal faction ready to quit him.

Joaquin Phoenix for Walk the Line

PRO: Like last year's winning role in Ray, except it's shorter, the guy can see, and the man's IN black.

CON: May split cowboy love interest vote with co-nominee Ledger.

David Straithairn for Good Night, and Good Luck

PRO: Veteran actor great in dozens of John Sayles movies (Return of the Secaucus 7, Matewan, Passion Fish) finally gets his due.

CON: He plays a real guy (TV celebrity Edward R. Murrow) but he doesn't deal with drug addiction or sing or turn out to be gay.

Best Actress 2005

Judi Dench for Mrs. Henderson Presents

PRO: There is nothing like this Dame. Hollywood royalty with previous win for Shakespeare in Love.

CON: Movie about prim-and-proper proprietor of a burlesque house so cliched even our 75-year-old parents didn't want to see it.

Felicity Huffman for Transamerica

PRO: Best possible choice for this role. There were transgended actors considered but they were between assignments.

CON: Loyalties are split by the title alone: Hollywood loves transgendered people, but hates America.

Keira Knightley for Pride and Prejudice

PRO: Pirates of the Caribbean star makes Disney Lohan-level bucks without Lohan-level embarassment. This Jane Austen old-fashioned costume drama a nice change from this year's crop of roles (no offense, Felicity!).

CON: Empire waist not good look on red carpet.

Charlize Theron for North Country

PRO: We know voters love this rabble-rousing union organizer role because Sally Field has already won for it.

CON: What a loudmouth. Can't she just sleep with a tennis coach (see Laura Linney, The Squid and the Whale; Scarlet Johannson, Match Point).

Reese Witherspoon for Walk the Line

PRO: June Carter a fantastic gift for an actress in a year when there aren't great roles for women; if she wins an Oscar perhaps we won't have to suffer thru Legally Blonde III.

CON: Where's the weight gain that shows Oscar range? Didn't dirty herself up for cute-as-a-button role.

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Felixes 2006 Table of Contents

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