The Felixes

Or, the Anti-Oscars.TM

Best Supporting Actor 2005

George Clooney for Syriana

PRO: Big year for TV-actor-turned-movie-star with roles in this and Good Night, and Good Luck. Also directed Good Night and Oscar voters love jacks of all trades.

CON: Two words: Ocean's Thirteen.

Matt Dillon for Crash

PRO: Gives Academy chance to make up for Wild Things snub.

CON: Statuettes rarely given for playing characters as unsympathetic as Dillon's.

Paul Giamatti for Cinderella Man

PRO: Another stellar performance, chance for Academy to make up for overlooking American Splendor and Sideways

CON: Role not weasel-y enough for Giamatti's fanbase; as a boxing coach, he's no Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, or Burgess Meredith.

Jake Gyllenhaal for Brokeback Mountain

PRO: Key role in movie that is biggest cultural phenom since Lord of the Rings or Titanic; only actor in category at the heart of a love story, role meatier than others a result.

CON: Aw, c'mon, make your own meat jokes; besides, awards for cultural phenom movies rarely go to the actors.

William Hurt for A History of Violence

PRO: Has already won NY and LA critical awards for his creepola performance

CON: He's on screen for just ten minutes; it's not an award for Best Cameo.

Best Supporting Actress 2005

Amy Adams for Junebug

PRO: Everyone who sees Junebug recognizes Adams' uniquely vulnerable screen presence

CON: Three voters does not an award make.

Catherine Keener for Capote

PRO: Stellar performances in both Capote and The 40 Year-Old Virgin show that she can impress in both art-house and blockbuster films.

CON: Lack of romance between Keener's Harper Lee and Phillip Seymour Hoffman's Capote confusing to Academy voters.

Frances McDormand for North Country

PRO: One of our favorites in strident movie about coal-mine conditions; pity points for poor McDormand, who never gets to make a movie in the Caribbean.

CON: It may be tough for voters to overcome mixed reception of movie; also loses points for teaming with Theron in big-screen debacle Aeon Flux.

Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener

PRO: Turn in best movie of the year (rent it before you disagree with us) is practically a lead.

CON: Like similar Kate Winslet turn in last year's Eternal Sunshine, character perhaps a little too abrasive for true romance.

Michelle Williams in Brokeback Mountain

PRO: Puts teenage soap opera Dawson's Creek behind her with deeply affecting turn as wife of closeted gay cowboy; shows her ta-tas.

CON: Since Williams is actually dating her costar Heath Ledger, yelling and disrobing don't qualify as acting.

please input your name:

please input your e-mail address:

Felixes 2006 Table of Contents

This page presented by The Night We Never Met Productions. The Felixes.com, the world's best OscarTM jokes page, welcomes Jon Stewart to the Academy Awards.TM