Or, the Anti-Oscars.^TM

Best Director 1999

Lasse Hallstrom for The Cider House Rules

PRO: Believe or don't, this guy is the veteran of the bunch, nominated for My Life as a Dog in 1987, an early documentary about Tipper Gore.
CON: C'mon, your parents named you Lasse? You sound like a girl, I mean, really.

Spike Jonze for Being John Malkovich

PRO: Malkovich Malkovich, Malkovich Malkovich.
CON: Malkovich Malkovich -- Malkovich?

Michael Mann for The Insider

PRO: We can't wait for Kathy Bates to announce him as "Mr. Mann," and then beat him over the head with the Oscar and break his legs. Cool.
CON: His movies, collectively, should be known as, "A Time To Kill."

Sam Mendes for American Beauty

PRO: Nice work, wunderkind -- first movie, and gets a nomination.
CON: Nobody, comes from nowhere and gets all kinds of acclaim, and we can't even get a ticket to Los Angeles. We say he hasn't suffered enough.

M. Night Shyamalan for The Sixth Sense

PRO: This is a little director we like to call Shy-am-a-lam-a-ding-dong.
CON: He also wrote the screenplay for Stuart Little. No, it's not adorable. It's sick.