The Felixes
Or, the Anti-Oscars.TM

Best Actor 2000

Javier Bardem in Before Night Falls

PRO: I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my books, too sexy for my island . . .

CON: If he wins, we'll have to hear even more shit from Castro.

Russell Crowe in Gladiator

PRO: Proof that weight-training can change anybody's career.

CON: What's his acceptance speech? "Yonda is da castle of my fadda?."

Tom Hanks in Castaway

PRO: Another in a long streak of great performances; impressively lost weight for the role; has already thanked most of his high school teachers.

CON: Is this a volleyball I see before me, the handle toward my hand?

Ed Harris in Pollack

PRO: We think Ed Harris yells in the movie, which is about par for Ed Harris, so it's probably good .

CON: Movie has nothing to do with satire-writer-bastard-out-of-philadelphia Neal Pollack, whose Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature is the greatest book ever written. Also, isn't modernism dead or something? We forget.

Geoffrey Rush in Quills

PRO: Scathing performance involves daring full-frontal; his chances may be helped by movie being stiffed for Best Picture.

CON:Kinda like a 2 1/2 hour audition for Oz.

Best Actress 2000

Joan Allen in The Contender

PRO: We love her; she's like a grown-up riot grrl.

CON: Is the fact that politicians have sex seen as shocking anymore? In the life-imitates-art department, this movie is like Wag the Cat.

Juliet Binoche in Chocolat

PRO: Sexy French babe will probably wear a really great dress to the awards.

CON: Movie plays like a goofy episode of The Mary Tyler Moore show; we kept looking for the French Rhoda.

Ellen Burstyn in Requiem for a Dream

PRO: A drug-addict who's scared of her refrigerator: easy for Academy voters to relate to.

CON: Small-movie from second-time director; she's a little old for this field.

Laura Linney in You Can Count on Me

PRO: Real acting; goes beyond the "furrowed brow" style currently trendy in Hollywood.

CON: It's all about the boobies. See below.

Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich

PRO: Touted as a shoo-in; supporters cite her Golden Globes, er, Globe.

CON:Voters may hold her previous career against her, as we do.

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Felixes 2000 Table of Contents

Best Picture | Best Actor | Best Actress | Best Supporting Actor | Best Supporting Actress

Best Director | Best Foreign Film | Original Screenplay | Adapted Screenplay

Original Song | Original Score |

Cinematography | Art Direction/Set Decoration | Editing | Documentary Feature

Everything Else


Links | Credits | 2002 Results
2002 Table of Contents | 2001 Archives | 1999 Archives | 1998 Archives

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