The Felixes

Or, the Anti-Oscars.TM

Best Actor 2002

Adrien Brody in The Pianist

PRO: Plays Chopin, dodges Nazis, and loses thirty pounds--all while wearing Nicole Kidman's prosthetic nose.

CON: Geoffrey Rush has already won Troubled Jewish Pianist Oscar.

Nicolas Cage in Adaptation

PRO: Charlie vs. Donald scenes even better than Gollum vs. Gollum; deserves something for Lisa Marie ordeal.

CON: Charlie's only seen the sights/a boy can see from Brooklyn Heights.

Michael Caine in The Quiet American

PRO: Academy Anglophilia; guarantee of a classy acceptance speech; at least there's only one of him.

CON: Despite recent win (Cider House Rules) has shown indiscriminate will-act-for-food tendencies (Blame It on Rio, Jaws the Revenge, Sweet Liberty).

Daniel Day-Lewis in Gangs of New York

PRO: Funny hat and waistcoat = already dressed for Oscar ceremonies.

CON: Misread prosthesis memo and got fake EYE; Frank McCourt-meets-Joey Buttafuoco accent may alienate some Academy members.

Jack Nicholson in About Schmidt

PRO: Hilarious in Midwestern Babbitt-y comedy; acceptance speech sure to start "Dear Ndugu".

CON: Must pay some price for Lara Flynn Boyle tutu incident.

Best Actress 2002

Salma Hayek in Frida

PRO: Cripple factor; one of few roles not housewife-yearning-to-be-something-more.

CON: Three-hour-long vanity project with vaguely socialist themes= Reds with a unibrow.

Nicole Kidman in The Hours

PRO: Out-acts fellow megathespians Streep and Moore; has come a long way since Batman Forever.

CON: Prosthetic nose did not garner Oscar for Steve Martin in Roxanne.

Diane Lane in Unfaithful

PRO: Naturalistic, sharply nuanced work holds up opposite the terrific Richard Gere.

CON: Like having an affair with a 28-year-old French guy is acting.

Julianne Moore in Far From Heaven

PRO: Deserves to win for fabulous acting, double threat with The Hours, and looking so damn good in bright yellow.

CON: Melodramatic role, in which husband turns out to be gay, originally promised to Liza Minnelli.

Renee Zellweger in Chicago

PRO: Smashing; recent near miss for Bridget Jones' Diary; near-certainty that Steve Martin will come out with marcelled golden bob.

CON: Dyeing hair, losing weight and shooting someone pretty par for the course in Hollywood.

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Felixes 2002 Table of Contents

Best Picture | Best Actor | Best Actress | Best Supporting Actor | Best Supporting Actress

Best Director | Best Foreign Film | Original Screenplay | Adapted Screenplay

Original Song | Original Dramatic Score |

Cinematography | Art Direction/Set Decoration | Editing | Documentary Feature


Everything Else


Links | Credits
2003 Table of Contents |2001 Archives | 2000 Archives | 1999 Archives | 1998 Archives

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