The Felixes
Or, the Anti-Oscars.TM

Best Director 2004

Martin Scorsese for The Aviator

PRO: If he can't get an Oscar with a guy who throws ice water on his penis, he might as well get one for a guy who pees in a bottle

CON: All he'll get from the Academy is a bag of peanuts

Clint Eastwood for Million Dollar Baby

PRO: Delivers two movies in one

CON: Unfortunately, each is nearly two hours long

Taylor Hackford for Ray

PRO: Nice job of milking the Ray Charles story without even getting to the present.

CON: Ridiculously long biopic; if this movie went on for ten more minutes, Charles would have had to fight Howard Hughes.

Alexander Payne for Sideways

PRO: Leftover goodwill from fantastic Election

CON: Failure of lead Paul Giamatti to be nominated is going to hurt him, as will non-epic-length of movie

Mike Leigh for Vera Drake

PRO: Gripping tale of 50's-era British nurse who performs secret abortions

CON: Hollywood expected contemporary version in which the lead character secretly performs plastic surgeries

Best Foreign Language Film 2004

As it Is In Heaven (Sweden)

The Chorus (France)

Downfall (Germany)

The Sea Inside (Spain)

Yesterday (South Africa)

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Felixes 2004 Table of Contents

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