The Felixes
Or, the Anti-Oscars.TM

Original Song 2004

"Accidentally in Love," from Shrek 2; music by Adam Duritz, Charles Gillingham, Jim Bogios, David Immergluck, Matthew Mallery and David Bryson; lyric by Adam Duritz and Daniel Vickrey (aka the Counting Crows)

PRO: Possibly the only one of the song-nominated movies anyone saw

CON: "Just get yourself inside her" lyric may be a bit suggestive for the young 'uns

"Al Otro Lado Del Ro," from The Motorcycle Diaries; music and lyrics by Jorge Drexler

PRO: Smooth and yet Oscar-sappy

CON: Tal vez el otro lado es el fondo

"Believe," from The Polar Express; music and lyrics by Glen Ballard and Alan Silvestri

PRO: Another perennial about the magic of Christmas, thankfully not sung by Jessica Simpson

CON: Like everything else in movie, possibly created by computer

"Learn To Be Lonely," from Phantom of the Opera; music by Andrew Lloyd Webber, lyrics by Charles Hart

PRO: Lloyd Webber, people. He's titled and everything. A Jellicle hit for a Jellicle Cat.

CON: Extravagant costume epic so disjointed many voters said they'd rather see Alexander

"Look To Your Path (Vois Sur Ton Chemin)" from The Chorus; music by Bruno Coulais, lyrics by Christophe Barratier

PRO: Voters who haven't heard the songs will think The Chorus sounds like a winner

CON: Title sounds like a bad horoscope

Original Score 2004

Finding Neverland, Jan A.P. Kaczmarek

PRO: Faithfully captures the feel of Victorian chamber music

CON: Victorian chamber music feels really freakin' dull

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, John Williams

PRO: A score that evokes childlike wonder and sweeping adventure? Williams can do that in his sleep

CON: Did in fact do this one in his sleep

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, Thomas Newman

PRO: Sprightly, inventive soundtrack almost negates the pain of watching Jim Carrey's incessant mugging

CON: Powerful Danny Elfman lobby still bitter about their man losing this gig

The Passion of the Christ, John Debney

PRO: Toiled heroically to find the right orchestration to accompany 75 minutes of non-stop flaying

CON: Academy fears Aramaic-only acceptance speech

The Village, James Newton Howard

PRO: Without creepy soundtrack, movie would have amounted to two hours of Joaquin Phoenix looking vexed

CON: A Village without the Village People? An opportunity squandered, Mr. Howard

please input your name:

please input your e-mail address:

Felixes 2004 Table of Contents

This page presented by Thundersnow Productions. The Felixes.com, the world's best OscarTM jokes page, welcomes Jon Stewart to the Academy Awards.TM